A Conversation on Self-Worth & Standards
There’s this quote I saw recently that said:
“Your life is a reflection of what you tolerate.”
And honestly?
That quote hit me harder than I expected.
Because when I really sat with it, I realized how many seasons of my life were built around survival instead of self-worth. How many things I accepted simply because I was trying to make it through the day. How many relationships, situations, habits, and environments I tolerated because deep down, I didn’t fully believe I deserved more.
This episode of Big Soft Energy became a conversation about standards, but not the superficial kind people love to reduce women to.
Not standards rooted in perfection.
Not standards rooted in materialism.
Not standards built around aesthetics and status symbols.
Real standards.
The kind that shape your nervous system, your relationships, your peace, your abundance, and the way you move through the world.
Because I think a lot of women have spent their lives being conditioned to believe they’re “too much” for wanting consistency, honesty, reciprocity, effort, emotional safety, softness, support, and stability.
But maybe the truth is:
you were never asking for too much.
Maybe you were just asking the wrong people.
Learning Self-Worth Through Survival
One of the biggest things I reflected on while recording this episode was how much survival mode impacts what we tolerate.
As a single mom, someone building businesses, someone carrying a lot emotionally, there were so many years where I wasn’t even asking myself whether things felt healthy or aligned. I was just trying to survive.
And survival mode will have you accepting things that healed versions of you would never entertain.
When I was younger, I had almost no sense of self-worth. I talk openly in this episode about my childhood, relationships, and the ways I searched for validation because I didn’t know how to give it to myself.
I confused attention with love.
I confused being chosen with being worthy.
I confused survival with connection.
And honestly, I think a lot of women do.
Sometimes we tolerate less because that’s genuinely all we think we deserve.
Healing Changes Your Standards
One thing I’ve realized is that healing completely transforms your standards.
Once you’ve experienced:
emotional safety
self-respect
peace
awareness
a deeper sense of self-worth
…certain things stop feeling acceptable to your nervous system.
That’s why growth can feel uncomfortable sometimes.
Because the healed version of you can no longer comfortably exist in environments that the survival version of you normalized.
And I think that’s where a lot of people get stuck.
They think they’re “becoming difficult.”
But really, they’re just becoming unavailable for things that no longer align.
High Standards Aren’t Materialistic
I think people misunderstand what high standards actually mean.
To me, high standards are not about wanting some unrealistic luxury lifestyle.
High standards are:
emotional safety
consistency
honesty
reciprocity
communication
effort
integrity
intentionality
Luxury is being deeply considered.
Luxury is peace.
Luxury is not having to beg for basic respect and decency.
One of the biggest shifts in my life has been realizing that I no longer want relationships — in any form — that feel like survival.
And honestly?
That realization changes everything.
You Don’t Need Permission to Leave Something Behind
Another thing I talked about in this episode is how women are conditioned to over-explain themselves.
We feel like we need evidence.
A dramatic ending.
A courtroom case.
Proof that someone hurt us “enough.”
But the truth is:
sometimes something simply no longer aligns with who you’re becoming.
And that is enough.
You do not need everyone to agree with your boundaries.
You do not need to abandon yourself just to make other people comfortable.
I said this in the episode and I mean it deeply:
“I would genuinely rather disappoint every single person on this planet than continuously abandon myself.”
Abundance Is More Than Money
I also wanted this conversation to go beyond relationships because standards impact every area of life, including abundance.
And abundance is not just money.
Abundance is:
rest
support
opportunities
emotional safety
aligned relationships
feeling seen
peace
But people who subconsciously feel unworthy often struggle to receive abundance because receiving feels unfamiliar.
I opened up in this episode about my relationship with money and how growing up during financial instability impacted my nervous system around receiving and holding wealth.
Healing your standards isn’t just about raising expectations externally.
It’s also about healing the internal belief that tells you you’re only worthy of crumbs.
Maybe You Were Never Too Much
At the end of the day, this episode is really about waking up.
Waking up to the ways you shrink yourself.
The ways you settle.
The ways you overextend yourself for people who benefit from your low standards.
Because wanting more softness, more love, more reciprocity, more peace, and more abundance does not make you selfish.
It makes you aware.
And maybe you were never too much.
Maybe you just spent too much time shrinking yourself for people, environments, and situations that benefited from you having low standards.
The moment you stop accepting less, your life starts changing.
Quietly at first.
And then all at once.