Self-Love Over Self-Sacrifice
The Myth of Selfishness
We’ve been taught that choosing yourself is selfish. That saying “no” makes you rude. That boundaries mean you don’t care. But what if the opposite is true?
For years, I was a people pleaser—saying yes when I wanted to say no, doing things out of obligation, and tying my worth to other people’s approval. If someone thought I was stuck up or difficult, I internalized that. I thought I was wrong for speaking my truth.
But the truth is, I wasn’t wrong. I was just conditioned to think that honoring myself was a bad thing.
Self-Worth Starts From Within
So much of this came from childhood. I was raised to believe that obedience equaled respect, that I didn’t have a say. As I grew older, I realized that one of my greatest values was autonomy—being able to make my own choices, use my voice, and learn through my own experiences.
And yes, I still believe in showing up for the people I love. But not at the expense of myself. That’s the shift—from self-sacrifice to self-honor.
Boundaries Are Not Betrayals
Having boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care about *you*, too.
You’re allowed to say, “I don’t have the energy for this today.” You’re allowed to cancel plans. You’re allowed to decline invitations, walk away from unhealthy relationships, and say no without explaining yourself to death.
You matter. And your bandwidth matters.
The Shift: Choosing Yourself
It took me a long time to understand that choosing myself wasn’t betraying anyone. It was actually a reunion—with me.
Whether it’s in friendships, family, relationships, or business—you get to check in with yourself before giving your time, energy, or presence. That doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you deeply self-aware.
You are not here to live for other people’s expectations.
Real Talk: How It Shows Up Today
Now, when I get that full-body “no,” I listen. Whether it's about reconnecting with an ex, overextending myself, or ignoring my own exhaustion—I’ve learned to trust myself.
Is it always easy? No. People get hurt. But I’d rather disappoint someone else than abandon myself.
I ask myself: “Do I want to do this?” And if the answer is no—I don’t. Because I refuse to dishonor my body, mind, or soul to keep the peace.
Reflection
Self-preservation is not selfish, it’s sacred.
Trust your intuition. Speak your truth. Respect your limits. Honor your energy. You are not required to sacrifice your well-being for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.
Here’s what I want you to sit with:
What would I do today if I stopped performing for approval?
I give myself full permission to choose myself without guilt.